A Muse for a Sadist

To preface all of this, I make my pen names females, mostly because a female edits them and posts them, but I’m actually a male. I have to break the illusion to write this, however, because I’d like to tell you about Rikki. That’s not her real name and it’s certainly not her pen name, but she has one of those and she’s well liked. It’s just my nickname for her. Rikki. Short for Rikki-Tikki-Tavi. You know how people think that God has a hand in the lives of saints? I think the devil had a hand in making Rikki.

Let me paint a quick picture. She’s not even five foot, weighs 110 pounds, looks barely 18 even though she’s 26, has dark brown hair and equally dark brown eyes, loves Lamb of God to an obsession, and her favorite show ever made is either X-Files or Star Trek TNG.

But she’s also the most gifted and depraved masochist I’ve met thus far. When I first met Rikki, I hadn’t fully reconciled the darker desires and fantasies I had. I still felt guilty for some of the things I wanted, still hadn’t made many of them into realities. I knew the words for what these fantasies made me, words like sadist and all that, but there was some hesitancy there.

Then, I met Rikki. It started with our talking and light playing. See, Rikki has this gift where she can romanticize anything. She can make things like nailing a girl’s tits sound like an intensity you want to be part of and, what’s worse, she can calmly describe the mechanics of things like that so that it starts to sound like it’s not so bad. For instance, we’d have conversations where she’d sit on the floor at my knees and look up at me, with that deceptively innocent face and sweetheart smile, and tell me how the nails used for the videos are only made to look barbaric. And in reality, they’re a smaller gauge of a needle than what’s used in body suspension. Then, she’d go on and on about how body suspension is this amazing, transcendent rush and release. She’d get this starry eyed look that other people get when talking about getting engaged or some shit.

Maybe you’re starting to see how we’ll get to the tags of this story. It started with conversation after conversation. I started to talk with Rikki more, started to tell her the things that made me feel guilty. I sent her darker and darker content, confessing to her while she’d rub my feet and call me “Sir” and tell me her own thoughts. We played light games, where I tied her to the bed with long coils of rope and taunted her. We started getting more and more toys. A riding crop, a pussy pump, a hard paddle. You know, the baby mode stuff. We were actually pretty vanilla in the beginning but in hindsight I think that’s because Rikki is highly submissive and wouldn’t push me or take the lead. She was so easy to live with when we started staying together more often too. She was neat, so servile that she was all too happy to obey even when I wasn’t being her Dom, and so happy in general. It’s little things like that that make me convinced she’s the devil’s little project, by the way. She had every quality necessary to draw in a reluctant sadist like me and I quickly learned she’d never deny me the dark games I’d want. It was kind of terrifying to stop and think about it. I mean, she was every taunt I couldn’t resist and she was totally accepting of my most twisted thoughts.

And one day she finally got me. We’d played candy play games before this one day. You see, I got home from work early and Rikki was at my place on her day off. This was when we were starting to figure life out together and we’d reached the point where we had keys to each other’s places. I had known she was going to be there and I can’t quite remember how my thinking went (the next part just overwhelms the memory too much) but I think my intentions were to scare her because she’d messaged and said she was taking a bath at my place.

However it was, I opened the door playfully and I scared her alright. She yelped and her eyes were wide with shock and fear when she looked at me but I just barely had time to register that before my own eyes went wide.

Rikki was facing towards the door, you see, and sitting on the edge of my large bathtub, naked, with her legs spread. But that’s not the horrifying part. Apparently, Rikki had been feeling a strange kind of frisky after watching porn and she’d gotten the nylon thread from my First Aid kit, along with straight needles, sterilizer, and medical gloves. And she’d sewn her outer labia shut. I can tell you exactly where she got the idea from because it was one of those confessions she’d enticed from me, that I had fantasies of sewing my submissive’s cunt closed for being such a slut. I had shown her my favorite videos of it, given her stories, and she’d rode my cock while I asked her if she liked the thought of having her pussy punished like that. We’d talked enough that we knew each other pretty well and I knew the kinds of dirty talk Rikki got off on.

So, with that in mind, I didn’t balk with guilt like I had at these fantasies before. I was too fucking horny from the sight of her, couldn’t look away from the black nylon thread between her legs. I’m a visual person and she’d pulled the threads tight so that the flesh of her cunt was tugged together in places. And she had definitely just gotten a straight needle and pulled it through her flesh with tweezers. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were going to be home and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I remember those were the first words I could think of, the only words I could think of really, while staring between her legs still. I hesitated, not really thinking about my words before I softly asked it. “How does it feel?”

She stared up at me with these wide eyes. She was still a little scared of my being angry, but oh God, she was so horny too. Rikki turns flush when she’s really worked up and she shivers a little. She still manages to be shy when she’s like that, too, and that was the look she gave me then. Shy and horny. She bit her lip, then whimpered. “It’s sore. It’s so good. It feels so empty. I was imagining it was you and you were being mean.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. God, how Rikki can do things like sew her cunt closed when she’s bored and then try to be coy afterwards is beyond me. I also crossed the bathroom to her and knelt down because I wanted to see it more. I felt dark in all those good ways that made me get off hardest. “Don’t get shy now. Being mean how, Rikki Tikki?” But I didn’t need her to tell me. I knew what kind of mean turned Rikki on. “Being mean by telling you how you’re a little fucktoy and a maso slut?” I laughed again because she arched and made this cry and she was shaking. I had to shush her to remind her that we had neighbors. “Or how about if I remind you that the only slutty hole you’re getting filled like that is your asshole? Would you like that, Rikki? You need an assfucking now that you’ve stitched your cunt closed?”

“Yes!” She stared at me, losing the shy shit and just begging instead. “Please! Please!” But she kept her voice down too, which I thought was cute as all hell. I stripped out of my clothes while she watched and she whimpered when I stroked my cock, seeing how hard I already was. I got our lubricant for her, even though Rikki hates lubricant. She always did and only liked me to use her cum when we did anal, but it wasn’t like I could do that at the moment.

And, for once, she didn’t even fight it. She just whined all the hotter, whimpering, “Please” under her breath. “Go to the bed and lay back on the edge of it.”

Rikki scrabbled, rushing to obey, and she laid her arms out at her side like I usually made her lay so that I had to smile. I stood at the side of our bed, adjusting her as I needed and pressing my cock to her asshole, staring down at her stitched pussy. You know how sometimes the mood just feels right for some things? The mood then was just perfect for all of my dark taunts, especially when Rikki covered her mouth to keep from crying out too loudly. And when Rikki feels so much heat, her face screws up like she’s in pain. Soft muffled whines escaped her hand over her mouth and she stared up at me, wide eyed and trying so hard to not thrash. Of course, she wouldn’t have been making to get away from me.

“You’re going to lick my cock clean of your asshole when I’m done, like good fuckmeat, aren’t you?” I said it right as I thrust inside of her to my balls and she had been worked up for so long that she came. Her asshole went tight around me so that I groaned and I stared at the black nylon between her legs.

“Y-yes, sir. Oh god, please!” She raised up on her elbows to stare down between her legs, her eyes wide and needy. She looked lost and desperate.

I fucked her against the mattress so hard it started to slide and she met every last motion with wild thrusts of her own. She was so out of control that she pulled too hard back and off my cock every now and again, whining like a wounded animal every time she did, and I punished her with a soft slap to her face the first time. It was the kind of thing I had started to do to her after I felt how hard it made her cum. This time, though, she arched and cried out, “Harder! Please!”

And I did it, violence pulsing through me like this addiction. There’s this feeling of recoil up your arm when you do things like that, this slight reverberation through the hand that makes you well aware of what you’ve done, you know? I had started to love that feeling with Rikki. It was hard to feel guilty when she rewarded those sensations with begging cries like that one, when her asshole squeezed my cock again with her arousal. I slapped her again, then choked her, holding her still while we both stared at her sewn cunt. I railed her asshole and god, she came so hard for me. I called her foul names. I remember another thing that set her off was when I growled over her, “You’re such a twisted fucking slut that you deserve for that cunt to be kept closed while you’re my anal whore.” I had her get on her hands and knees on the bed by then because I was sick of pulling the mattress back into place and she thrashed in my arms, while I had to cover her mouth and call her a loud little bitch.

That was probably the turning point, in hindsight. We had played games up until that point and we had talked about darker things and I had called her names, but I never quite cut loose like that time. She collapsed under me after I came in her ass and I did make her suck me off afterwards. But it was when I pulled away that she lay spread out and she was staring at me with this gaze that I’ll never really forget. She looked like she was in awe of me. It was this submissive adoration, this sex drunk amazement. “Can we talk about doing other things, please? That was amazing. You’re a god.”

To which I laughed. “You’re ridiculous. But we can, sure, so long as you get up so we can take that nylon out and take a shower. You know you’re supposed to use the forceps and everything else in that suturing kit for things like that and not a fucking straight needle?”

She grinned shyly and Rikki is always really submissive after we play. She was even more so then and she stood as I guided her, following me. “I’m sorry. I only know how to use straight needles.” She watched while I started the bath water and she stopped me for a moment though. “Can I just-?” She didn’t even finish the sentence. She just got on her knees and and knelt in front of me, hugging my thigh. She says that sometimes she just needs to do things like that because it feels right. I knew to just stroke her hair by then.

You get the picture. She didn’t hate any of it. She loved it so much that we started talking about other things, started talking darker, but now I was more serious about my considering it. I couldn’t even remember the guilt after that tryst with Rikki. I don’t know what it is about her but I just wanted to do it all over again. It felt easier to call her names, felt easier to slap her and hurt her. We started getting more toys again, a Bad Dragon dildo, rattan canes. Harder toys this time. The first time I caned Rikki was fascinating. She yelped behind her gag, her eyes going wide with shocked pain, and she quivered. And I knew what that meant.

“Harder?” I asked her. She nodded eagerly. “Greedy little slut.” And she moaned at that, loving it.

When I went harder with pain, I learned that Rikki worshiped the sensation. She loved it and I mean really loved it. She watched when I striped the cane with this wide eyed anticipation and then shuddered when I did it. It was always beautiful to get to see it.

It was from my coworker that I got the Xanax. I just bought it and at first I didn’t have a specific plan for it. That day Rikki had been messaging me from her own job, sending me pictures of herself masturbating in the bathroom. She told me how she was reading stories and fantasizing about my drugging her, about my recording what I’d do. The pictures she sent were of so much fucking cum in her thong, of her violently fingering herself. She sent me a video where she slapped her cunt as quietly as she could, trying to not get caught, and then messaged me to say she wished we were home so I could give her pussy a real spanking. And I found moments to message her back to tell her how much of a filthy slut she was being at work. Our sex drive together was going goddamn crazy. It was life disrupting at some points but neither of us cared. The heavier and harder I was getting, the more she was encouraging me to let go and give her more and the more horny I was getting.

So I got the drugs that day, in another fevered state of arousal, but it was a week or so before I actually used them. And I had seen enough to know that drugs hit Rikki a little hard. That’s why I started with the Xanax and not, say, Rohypnol. I was experimenting. How would it go for her? What would she do? How much would she remember when she was out of it? When we had a date night, we worked on a massive puzzle and drank beer together. Side note, Rikki and I are actually pretty boring people outside of our forays. We both love puzzles.

But it was when she went to the bathroom that I seized the chance. I grabbed a bar, broke it half, and put both halves in the beer, swirling it for a moment. I placed it right back where it had been.

Rikki came back and we worked on more of the puzzle. She took a drink every now and again while I watched her from the corner of my eye. She was drinking slow enough for me to watch her pretty well too.

Until one time she went to stand up and then sat back down, hard, and her head fell forward and she swayed. I smiled. “Rikki?”

“Y-yeah?” She had to make herself look up, had to focus on me. It was all so visible. Weak little sub. The thought of my drugged little maso slut left so vulnerable in my arms made me feel evil and horny as all bloody hell.

“You okay, baby?” She took another small drink and then collapsed back in her chair, staring at me. Her head tilted and she seemed aware enough to hear my words, to just barely keep her eyes open. But she seemed so out of it.

“Yes, sir.”

I grinned. We hadn’t been playing that game for the moment. “Come on. You look like you need to lay down.” I helped her to our bed and she collapsed on it, still staring at me vacantly. My phone was fully charged and there was nothing to interrupt us that night.

I undressed her, taking my time, fascinated. She still opened her eyes to stare at me but she didn’t say anything. She just lay still while I lifted her shirt and unhooked her bra. She did manage to move as I needed her, though not very well. After a moment, her eyes fluttered closed and I smiled, then pinched her nipple, stroking her tits. She inhaled above me, her eyes opening briefly before they shut again, and I slapped her breasts, taking the chance to abuse them. I even wrenched her with my fingers cinching her nipples and she only gasped, lifting up. Her eyes did open again, but she stared at me with this pained gaze before she fell back under and only moaned. Unable to fight.

Unable to resist. Not that Rikki ever would. But now she couldn’t even manage to make those protesting little sounds of pain she sometimes did. I took off the rest of her clothes before I got my phone and started the first video of many. “Poor little fucktoy,” I said over her, then slapped her tits while she tried to open her eyes, tried to lift her head. I cinched and twisted, making sure the video got her face and all of my brutality. I worked my way down her body, down to her pussy, then made sure to video how wet her cunt sounded when I fingered her. She managed to make these soft little moans again, managed to even kind of come back to reality. Her eyes were glazed and she whimpered, “Please.”

I laughed. “Please, what?” Too bad she couldn’t tell me. She fell back again instead, whining. I started adding fingers and then I quit the video so I could have both hands, realizing her body was so relaxed at that moment. Her pussy was widening to take my fingers and she was managing to come alive enough to spread her legs and beg still. She writhed when I filled her with all five fingertips so that I shushed her. “No, no, Rikki. It’s okay. Don’t fight it. You’re being such a good girl, laying still just like that.” The words worked. She whimpered and quit trying to fight awake so much. I left her for just a moment to get some lubricant, coating my hand with it. I didn’t know if, even in that state, she could take what I had in mind. Rikki is a small person.

But I figured the worst that could happen was it didn’t work and I had just indulged in wishful thinking. Either way, I tried. I maneuvered her, and she managed to help a little actually, so that I could sit beside her, lowering myself so I could see every bit I was widening her cunt. I used my free hand to stroke her clit and then spread her back open around my fingers, thrusting my hand to widen her to take my fist. Each thrust seemed to go a little farther, too, so I kept trying while Rikki’s moans rose to erratic cries. She humped my hand as best she could, so weak from my drugging her, and finally I growled and twisted my wrist, then shoved.

Rikki choked on a cry and I pumped her, laughing. God, she took it. I stared down at where she was widened around my fist and got my phone again, videoing the way I could turn my wrist. I was brutal after she took it, too, and I had torn her so there was blood when I pulled away a little. I made sure the video got that, taking pictures as well, and then thrust my fist while she tossed her head above me, shaking. Poor Rikki can’t cum very well when she’s drugged, it turns out, but her pussy relaxes to take whatever I want to give it when we play those games. I called her obscene names on the recording too, for her to listen to later. I told her how she definitely deserved a cunt sewing after being this much of a filthy fuck when she wasn’t even completely awake. I pulled my hand away to show off where she’d bled and made my voice cruel when I said, “Filthy fucking cunt,” then spread the blood and cum on her thighs and tits, brushing the front and back of my hand on her as if she was my used sex doll. And once again, I came so fucking hard from it, jacking myself off on her tits, my blood roaring in my ears with how horny it made me to do these things to her.

I collapsed at the end of the night, grinning at the thought of what she’d look like the next morning. And I was right to expect it too. She yawned awake a while later, having had a damned good Xanax sleep, and she was already smiling with how great that must have felt. It took her so long to recover that even I was already awake beside her, watching her.

She looked up at me and froze, then sat up and stared down at her body, eyes going wide at the sight of the blood. “I-“ She gave me this adorable, conflicted look. “Um.”

I grinned. “Don’t remember everything?”

She shook her head and I showed her the videos I’d taken while she turned hornier by the second beside me. And she did have some parts of the memory. She said it was weird, like she’d just dozed in and out of it. She moaned at the fisting part, at the names I called her. And she jumped me when she was too turned on, still filthy from where I’d degraded her. I had to give her a sex spree that day, it made her so wild, and I only gave it to her in her ass or her mouth. Out loud, I said it was because her cunt was a useless little fuckhole by then. The truth was I kind of worried about the tearing I’d done to her and wanted to let her heal, but Rikki didn’t care at all so long as I degraded her enough with anal sex.

And that was another thing I realized. When we first started dating, I didn’t quite appreciate just what kind of a goldmine I had in Rikki-Tikki-Tavi. But once I started indulging in my sadism with her and once I started degrading her, I learned that Rikki was everything I could have ever wanted in my life. She was malleable clay for a sadist. See, Rikki wasn’t into specific fetishes exactly. Rikki was into degradation first and foremost. So, if I spun any fetish I had the right way and if I called her a foul little fucktoy and worthless little slut while I did it, she’d be into whatever it was. I started really picking up on it when we went into piss play. I’d make her lay in the bathtub with the drain stopped and mark her tits, coating her in my piss and making sure I got it in her hair while she moaned and spread her legs. When she was a good girl, I gave it to her on her cunt. But always at the end, I learned to make her roll over on her hands and knees and I placed one of my boots on her head, forcing her face down into what hadn’t drained. “Lick it up. Every drop.” And Rikki would obey, whimpering greedily for it. She’d lap at it like a dog, while I laughed and cooed over her that she was my filthy, piss drinking fucktoy. Because that was her favorite word for me to call her. Every time, I’d shove my fingers into her cunt while she was licking and she’d squeal with orgasm as soon as I did.

Rikki really started to love the taste of piss too. She started begging me to drink it straight from my cock and if I called her foul names while she did it, she’d stroke her clit to orgasm while she swallowed the stream. And that was something else. I always made her drink it in the bathtub or the shower, sure she’d spill it all and make a mess eventually but she never did. I don’t know how, still, but I sometimes like to hold her while she’s cooking and tell her how much of a good piss drinking sick fuck she is, just so I can watch her grin and blush with arousal. Every time I do it, she giggles and sometimes I have to fuck her in the kitchen.

Then, there were the nights with our Maltese, around the same time as our watersports forays. I was drinking when this one happened the first time and Rikki and I were playing in our living room. I had her wrists restrained at the back of her neck, had her gagged, and was pumping her pussy up, filthy talking over her about how swollen her cunt could get. I would pump it and the suction would pull out obscene amounts of cum from her, so when I pulled it away it was filthy. I made her lay in the middle of the floor with her knees up and her legs spread wide while I went to make another drink and our Maltese was in his bed on the floor.

And I was just buzzed enough to think about how much he loved peanut butter and how everyone has heard of the peanut butter thing. I had no idea if it would work, but I got the peanut butter and a knife. Rikki’s eyes went wide when she watched me come back to her and I knew she knew. And yet, she lay still, her nostrils flaring with her desperate breathing, her face flushed. I spread some of it on her tits while she closed her eyes and moaned. And once again, zero idea what I was doing in the same way Rikki had no idea how to sew her pussy closed, but here was my thinking. The smell of cum and sex didn’t seem like it would be very enticing to a dog. But if I placed it somewhere else, like on her nipples and around her tits I don’t know, but it seemed more likely.

I held my finger out, with peanut butter on it, and whistled. Our dog tilted his head and stood, curious, and he licked the peanut butter off my fingertip.

Then he licked at Rikki’s breasts. And Rikki’s knees jerked, her breaths escaping her in snorts. She stared up at me, frantic and wide eyed, and I laughed. Because I damn well knew the signs of when Rikki was close to coming. I paced around to her head, letting the dog do his thing, and I didn’t even have to fucking touch her. I just placed one boot on her face and pressed it so that she shook beneath me all the harder. “You deserve it, Rikki. Know why? Because you’re a filthy fucking bitch in heat.” And she came so hard she shrieked behind her gag, so hard the movement made our dog run off. He came back and she moaned, her eyes glazed with lust still. After a while, I took her back to our bathroom and made her open her mouth and close her eyes. I pissed all in her hair and down her throat so that she was humping the air between my legs, making these wounded little noises of need. I made her lay there like that, coated and marked.

They say that sadists want their forms of torment to be felt as love. I don’t know if that’s true or if that’s just some romantic shit. Rikki swears it’s true but she’s the worst romantic I’ve ever seen. All I know is I’ve realized I can do anything with Rikki, so long as I make it painful for her. Somehow, that’s seemed to translate as love between us.

For instance, Rikki used to be the jealous type. Used to. But then I told her I wanted to experiment with that by tying her up and tormenting her while I fucked another girl. She was open to the idea after I brought up that I would torment her while she watched. It was an interesting experience. We did find a third and Rikki did whimper and shiver while I slapped her face and called her a fucktoy who deserved to watch. We didn’t end up playing that game often, though it had nothing to do with Rikki’s jealousies. Rikki managed to get off on it so fucking hard and she lay in bed with me later that night, more submissive than ever.

No, it was for a variety of reasons. The third just wasn’t as rough as Rikki was. Rikki could lose herself in a caning by then, was so well trained to it and the things I said that she could let go and bask in my pain while she let me do whatever I goddamn well pleased. And I had gotten used to giving some kind of pain or humiliation in every time we played. And then there was the fact that the third from that first time ended up being this irritating, complicated affair and I wasn’t digging drama. But it did serve to show me that Rikki could get into anything so long as I was hurting or tormenting her in some way.

It started to turn into our love language. Rikki has this joke, where she’ll snuggle against my chest when she wants to play and she always says, “Please love me,” with this evil little grin.

Because “please love me” from Rikki always means “please hurt me”.

Don’t kill me, Rikki-Tikki. Love you more than sharks love blood ;)