Some funny jokes

just some jokes i know of
1.) there were three men in a club, and along comes a sexy waitress, the 1st guy licks a tenner and sticks it to the waitress' left ass cheek. the 2nd man, licks two tenners and sticks them on the waitress' right ass cheek. the 3rd man, not wanting to be outdone thinks furiously of a way to top what the other men did, so he gets out his atm card, swipes it down the crack of her ass, takes the 30 quid and leaves with a huge grin on his face..
2.) a man paid for a prostitute and took her to bed, she seemed a little jumpy to him so he started taking off his clothes in an attemp to relax her. when he had taken off his shirt, the prostitue stared at his abs with her mouth open. he says "thats 100lb dynamite baby!". next he takes off his trousers and she yet again stares in awe. he says "thats 100lb of dynamite baby!". next he takes off his underwear and the prostitute runs from the room screaming. he puts on his clothes and goes to her, he asks her "whats wrong?" and she says "i was afraid to be around all that dynamite when i saw how short the fuse was!
3.) The defective parrot
there was a parrot in a pet shop and a man walked in. he sees the bird and says "that bird looks a little lopsided to me" the shopkeeper turns to him and says "he may look lopsided but he's got no legs" the man asks how it is possible for a bird to "stand" on a perch with no legs, the shopkeeper says "he uses his cock!"
a few days later the parrot says "good morning" to him. the parrot starts to tell him what his wife has been doing over the last 2 days, cooking, cleaning, singing in the shower, the usual and one day he adds on to the list "and she answered the door in her robe and nightie!" the man says "what happened next??" and the parrot replied "she took off her robe!" curious, the man asks again and the parrot says "she pulled up her nightie". the man asks "what next?" and the parrot says "i don't know, i got a boner and fell off my perch!"